L is for Love at Christmas by Sandi Somers

 

At this Christmas season, it’s appropriate to talk about Love.

I grew up in an era when we weren’t accustomed to hugging many people—a friend later called us “cool Canadians”. At young age I felt people who hugged me cared for me more than others. Then God graciously sent me to South America where folks lavished hugs on others, not only family members and close friends, but even casual friends. When I returned to Canada, I hugged everyone to the surprise of some. One good neighbour was shocked. “We’re getting mushy, are we?” (Fortunately, nowadays we Canadians are given to more hugging.) 

Some years later, the psychologist Gary Chapman authored the book, The Five Love Languages (1992). In it he described five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. These are:

·        quality time, either through activity or through talking

·        physical touch

·        acts of service

·        receiving gifts

·        words of affirmation (I think everyone needs words of affirmation). 

How interesting that, although I didn’t have a psychological term for it, God had been revealing my primary love language long before I heard this concept. 

Knowing each others’ love language is a way to help you feel loved and appreciated. Misunderstanding can come when we don’t match another’s love language and expect them to match ours. 

We can discover someone’s love language by how they react to us. Someone frequently says how much they appreciate us. Another listens closely when we speak. Still another prefers to give gifts. They’re expressing their primary love language. 

On the other hand, when we don’t meet the love needs of others, people might complain. Which of the love needs might your spouse or family or friends complain about you? Or might you be dissatisfied in a relationship because your love language is missing? 

Here's a story that illustrates this last concept. Chapman recounted an incident in which a client's wife complained he didn’t love her. Chapman asked what she complained about. Well, he said she wanted him to help around the house. Acts of service was her love language, Chapman said. The client got the message. “Well then, bring on the vacuum cleaner!” he said. 

Now let’s expand our thinking to speak of God’s love for us. His love is perfect. Complete. Infinite. He is the One who can meet all our love needs. Romans 5:8 says it emphatically. “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” At Christmas we’re reminded of how much God loved us when He sent His Son, Jesus, “Emmanuel, God with Us.” 

God’s love has practical implications for us, too. Jesus told His disciples, “Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12). As we love others in the greatest capacity that we know, the Spirit will infuse us with greater love, including expressing our love with appropriate love languages. 

As writers, we have an opportunity to incorporate love languages in our novels and non-fiction. You can heighten conflict when couples don’t match love languages. Can they discuss their needs? Or does conflict escalate? Or how about tangled family relationships caused by love language mix-ups? How can you bring your characters to an understanding that God loves them more than they can think or imagine? 

My prayer for us all this Christmas is that as we discover our own and the love languages of others, we can more fully love them as Christ would have us love. 

~ ~ ~ 

Note: While Chapman’s first book focused on the marriage relationship, he has written other Five Love Language books: for parents of children and teenagers, for single adults, and a special version for men. A Love Languages Quiz® is online. You can access it here. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

What Gifts of Love Have Influenced You Powerfully? By Sandi Somers

love hand hears by Unsplash

  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27 NIV)

 February is the month devoted to love. Our challenge this month is to consider gifts of love and kindness we’ve received and given.

 Being loved and loving—a missing ingredient in many relationships. Perhaps It begins with misunderstanding God’s love. When we don’t know how much God loves us, our love for others can go awry. We misplace our love with other people or things. We can’t forgive. We harbour bitterness. We feel rejected.

 On the other hand, loving others is a measure of how much we accept and know His love right to the core of our being.

Over this last month the Lord has been impressing on me what his love means, and to love Him and others more deeply, especially in these areas.

 Forgiveness.

A number of years ago, my path met with a former student. As we chatted, I remembered how I had been unnecessarily angry with him when he was in Grade Two. Now I apologized. He gently put his hand on my arm and said, “I don’t remember. I forgive you.” Gratitude and an overwhelming sense of peace filled me. I realized then how transforming forgiveness can be to another person when I offer it.

The speaker David Jeremiah once said, “Forgiveness is always our turn.” Forgiveness doesn’t diminish what was done, nor does it condone. Nor do we glibly forgive without working through the icebergs of hurt, pain, confusion, and voicelessness. When we take responsibility and forgive, our spirit becomes free to love.

Compassion.  

This winter I’ve been praying for a friend who is deeply grieving the deaths of loved ones. The Lord has invited me to enter more into her pain with compassion and empathy. And beyond this, the Lord has impressed on me to open up a tenderness to enter into others’ pain. (For an excellent discussion on compassion, read Alan Anderson’s January blog post here.) 

Valuing others

When I visit my nephew Tobi and his family, I’m greeted at the door by kids who hug me and tell me (all at once) about themselves. I feel valued and affirmed.

Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, was a breakthrough for me. People, he said, feel valued in five different ways: a touch or hug; words of affirmation and appreciation; meaningful gifts; “acts of service”—having someone do something for them; or quality time and attention.  Although the Lord keeps prompting me to give more of my time and availability to others, I’m still very much a work in progress in all of the areas above.  In addition, He is inviting me to “launch out” into the unknown, as I both interact and pray for those God places in my path. As I include more of these facets in my writing, others will know Christ’s love for them, and God will be honoured.   

~ ~ ~

Challenge: Who has graced your life with love, and/or whose life have you graced with love?  

Thought: God loves us infinitely more than we can dream or imagine. Demonstrate that love as Paul loved his people: “How much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:8, NLT).

Counting My Blessings by Loretta Bouillon

Here I sit, in a Starbucks in Vancouver, listening to jazzy Christmas songs. I am fortunate to have a friend in the city that welcomes me any time I need a place to escape the north, collect my thoughts and write. Starbucks is packed with Christmas shoppers that need to take a break and refuel. As I happily tap on my laptop, the barista in front of me is dressed in a red festive Starbucks t-shirt with a saying on her back: “Let There Be Bright”. I don’t really know what it means, however I take it as a positive Christmassy message.

  

I love Christmas. This year, I have been reflecting on exactly why I love it so much. Of course, the obvious and most important—Jesus was born and because of Him and His life, we have hope and salvation for eternal life.

There are other reasons attached to the season that hold significance for me. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. He talks about how we all have one primary and one secondary love language. In his book he outlines five ways to express love: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. These “love languages” translate into “I love you”. I have to admit, my “love language” is gift giving. It is also “quality time”.

Christmas means family time to me. Our traditions are not elaborate but they are ours and I cherish them. It is a time where my oldest son comes home from university and is reunited with his brother and sister. It is a time where our family shuts down for a few days and just enjoys being together.  On Christmas Eve we dress up in our best clothes and make fondue, play some board games and eat boxes of chocolate. We sleep in on Christmas day. Attempting to buy perfect gifts for my family, I usually end up buying too many of them. We savour our gift opening and spread it out through the day. We stay in our pj’s, go for walks (in our pj’s) and work on puzzles. We eat boxed appetizers, brie cheese and jumbo shrimp rings for dinner so no one has to cook. It is low stress and it is lovely.

During the week we have more family time. There is no agenda except being together. We save our turkey dinner until New Year’s Eve, invite friends to join us, and have the kids invite their friends as well. We have a house full of all ages and enjoy food and games. The kids often play a “mission impossible or a “hide and seek survive” game outside. They usually have all-night board games or movies and I am happy they still want to be at home with us New Year’s Eve.

My love languages are fed….lots of gift giving and quality time!

But as I walk the streets of Vancouver, I see people that will have no gifts at Christmas. Most likely they will not be with family. Some of them will not even have shelter or enough food. As well, I have a few friends in the city that are single, Christmas is a difficult time for them and they can’t wait for the season to be over. I think of the Syrian refugees, the families of the Paris attacks' victims and so many other people in the world that will not have their love languages met this Christmas.

I will still treasure my time with my family but this year I will make more of a conscious effort to pray for those people that will struggle through the season. And I will count my blessings.