“Fear not, for I am
with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I
will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” ( Isaiah 41: 10 NKJV)
2018
began how 2017 ended for my wife and I. In the latter part of 2017 we began
regularly attending an Eastern Orthodox Christian church. It continues to be a
welcome change in our worship and day-to-day life.
Near
the end of 2017 it was confirmed my wife, Terry, has uterine cancer. We entered
2018 with the prospect of her having surgery. People asking, “Lord have mercy”,
sent many prayers to God. I rejoice that her surgery on Jan. 9 went well. She
is still recovering from her surgery at the date of this post. To date, she has
experienced little pain. Now we wait for her lab results that will hopefully
confirm the cancer has been contained.
I
have to be honest and confess that the ending of last year and the beginning of
this year have been met with mixed emotions. I experienced joy that our family,
friends and new church are an amazing support network. I also experienced a
sense of fear at the prospect of Terry’s cancer. In my joy I expressed my faith
in God. In my fear, I guess I showed a lack of faith and a reminder of my
frailty.
This
month’s writing prompt asks, “How
is God speaking to you about your faith and writing this year?” At this point
in time I’m not sure what He is saying to me. I have a strong desire to bring
hope to my readers in spite of pain or challenges that life brings. Perhaps
then God is saying keep writing regardless of painful challenges. Maybe that’s
the direction God is preparing for me.
In anticipation of this
direction I am stepping out in faith by accepting an invitation by a local
wellness business owner. She invited me to present a series on grief related
issues. I view this as a step of faith due to the fact the first time this
series was scheduled no community interest was shown. Hopefully it will be
different when I begin the series in March.
I also began a series of posts
on my Blog at scarredjoy.wordpress.com. This series began at the end of 2017
and is carried over into 2018. I call the it, “Things That Matter In The Face
Of Cancer.” It is a consideration of what I am observing as I walk with Terry
in her experience with cancer. Perhaps I could also have called it, “Writing
with Tears.”
I hope I am not
discouraging readers as they read this post. I do have faith in God. I sense
His presence. I know Terry’s cancer has not taken Him by surprise. I think what
it might be is cancer has reminded me of our mortality as we live this life. It
has also confronted us with the reality of living a life of faith in all
circumstances.
When her doctor confirmed
Terry had cancer I was fearful. Forgive me if that showed my lack of faith. I
also asked God why it wasn’t me who had cancer. I mean, this is Terry’s second
time with cancer, only a different kind. It was one of these experiences where
as a man and husband I wanted to protect my wife. He allowed me to express that
to Him.
In writing this post, in
showing the frailty of my mortality, I realize once again that painful
challenges are part of life. I cannot prevent things like cancer, no matter how
much I hate them. I can, however, live and write a life of faith, knowing God knows
all about it.
