He missed having to go to Afghanistan by one year, as he took a year at the Royal Military College, before deciding that he would rather go the non-commissioned route. As his parents, we have often wondered at the incredible timing of that. If not for that one year of school, he would have most likely been on one of the last tours to Afghanistan, before Canada withdrew. Would he have come back? And if he had come back, would he have come back the same? What would it have been like for us as parents to know our son was in a combat zone, overseas? We were so thankful that we never had to go through that.
Since then, he has done two tours to Latvia, where he was a part of the NATO forces training Latvian soldiers to defend against Russian forces, and helped to secure the border. At no time was he in combat. Still, it wasn't easy; we knew the training could be dangerous, there are always the questions of 'what if?' He came home mid-July after serving six months and we breathed a sigh of relief knowing he was back on Canadian soil.
We all have heard about the tumultuous and dangerous withdrawal of American troops from Afghanistan, this past week. For me as a military parent, I've found my heart stirred many times, thinking of those who served, those who died, those who were injured, and all of the parents. What must they be feeling to see things end in such a way? I read of an American mother who held up her picture of her then 19 year old son, who would now be 31 (just like our son), who was killed on tour over there, at that young age. She said that she cannot bring herself to say that it was all for nothing, even though many of them are feeling that way. I can't imagine. Or the turmoil in the hearts of those who fought and lost their buddies over there. What tortuous memories have resurfaced for them? I've read that many are struggling.
Then there are the Afghan soldiers who helped our troops as interpreters and in various other roles, who have been left behind to most likely be killed, along with their families. This was never supposed to happen. Promises were made and broken. I've since read that more effort is in the works to bring them out. However, time is running out. It was never properly planned. It was a debacle of the worst kind.
And so, my heart has not been at peace this past week. Not. At. All. But there is this. All week, and even last week, perhaps in preparation for this week's news, I've been thinking of the scripture portion where the disciples are crossing the water with Jesus, and a huge storm rolls in. They are petrified. Yet when they look around, they discover Jesus, is sleeping through it all!! This is unacceptable to them and they wake him, shouting at him, that they were going to drown.
He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds the waves obey him.
Even the wind and the waves….
It sounds like Jesus speaks to them as foolish children. 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Jesus was not afraid. He slept, knowing that His Father had it all in control. And then to show them the truth, he simply rebukes the winds and waves. Just. Like. That.
And so, with that in mind, where does that leave my tormented heart at the end of this week, with all of the what ifs? Believe me, with the state that this world is in, a military mom can come up with a lot of them. I feel like the disciples. 'Jesus, why are you sleeping?! Don’t you see me drowning here?’
Just as Jesus responded to their fears, he responds to mine. When I truly listen, truly call out to him even in a panic, he does calm the wind and waves of my heart. Often, he reminds me of when our son was born, and how when I first held him, I had such a sense of his inner strength and heard God whisper into my mother's heart, that someday that strength would be required of him. My baby. I did not know what it meant. I still don't totally. Yet God gave him that strength and God will carry him through wherever he takes him, and my heart that goes along with him.
Thanks for letting me share my heart.
Gloria Guest writes and blogs from her home in Caron, Sk. As a past reporter, she has written thousands of newspaper articles and written many lifestyle columns for various publications. She is a prolific reader of world events and deeply interested in social issues, which are often reflected in her writings. Currently, she is enrolled at Simon Fraser University, working towards obtaining her Editing Certificate. (Sorry, but she was too tired to edit this post to at :D - she's still in training ;)
