How She Loved – Denise M. Ford

While contemplating this month’s topic, creating beauty with words, it occurred to me that writing a eulogy presents a time to write beautiful images of a loved one. I recalled my recent conversation with my 88-year-old mother. She had described the memorial service for my Aunt Dolly. Both of them widows following decades of marriage, they had been daily confidantes sharing emotional heartaches and happy celebrations.

Mother lamented that no one spoke of Dolly’s genuine compassion, or constant devotion to every member of her family, immediate and extended.

“Everyone who spoke gave anecdotes of comical moments about how she joked and laughed with people,” my mother said. 

“What did you want to hear?” I asked.

“How she loved,” she simply replied.

My mother lives in Pennsylvania, while I reside in the foothills outside of Calgary, Alberta. We spend a few weeks together throughout each year via cross-country journeys, but mostly we visit daily through our phone calls. Often, I jot down questions or prompts I will use to steer our chats into more meaningful conversations.  While she reminisces, I scribble notes so I can capture her memories. 

I have been applauding myself for wisely using these phone calls to help record our family history.  Now I realize I have been merely collecting anecdotes.

While I still want to write down the details in her stories, what if I also focused on her and how she loved?

What if I told her now, while she still lives, how I would write of her after she passes?

Certainly, I have sent cards and letters to her over the years expressing my gratitude, my respect and my appreciation of her as my mother. But would she want to understand more fully how I perceive her love, how I understand how deeply she loved? I don’t want you to think that I have had an ideal upbringing.  All of us, especially daughters, have a multi-layered, multi-winding, emotional relationship with our mothers. Even so, can I begin to express to her while she is still here with me, that I know… how she loved.

Can I write those beautiful words for her now as a living tribute?

Because my mother has tried to live her life by the fruit of the Spirit, I will follow Galatians 5:22-23 as my outline for describing how she loved.  One of my pastors pointed out that perhaps this scripture denotes the fruit of the Spirit, as love. Everything that follows basically describes what love is or what it can be.

It will become my challenge to speak of my mother’s love within this fruit of the Spirit outline.  At the same time, I will inquire of myself, “How do I love? What do others see today: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control?”  Because I will be outlining my life with these attributes will others perceive how I love? Will I reflect what my mother has shown me?

I will tell her, and I will write of her. This is how you have loved, Mother. This is how you still love.  I hope my words of beauty offered for her will provide a confirmation that when I will memorialize her, I won’t only remember anecdotes but how she loved.

As I drove towards home the other day, I witnessed a spectacular sunset.  It seemed that God had traced each cloud’s edge using a brush dipped in gold glitter.  The sparkling outline shimmered with a beauty so radiant and so searing, I felt compelled to break forth with words of praise and awe. 

Hmm…I pray that I will be inspired as I use the fruit of the Spirit outline to create beautiful images that reflect back to my mother. Like that sunset, as it portrayed its light with brilliance and intensity. I pray that she will hear by those words, that I have traced her years of genuine compassion and constant devotion with a living tribute that glowingly states,

This, this is how she loved.

The Gift of Family by Steph Beth Nickel

This month's theme is "the gift." I can't help but think of my mother-in-law, who recently went to be with the Lord. Here are the thoughts I shared at her funeral:

On Friday, November 11, 2016, we celebrated by mother-in-law’s home-going. She had gone to be with the Lord the previous Tuesday while her granddaughter read to her from the Bible.

Although Dave’s mom could no longer speak, she could make her wishes understood. She wanted us to read from God’s Word, pray, and give her frequent hugs. What a precious way to exit this world and enter eternity!

These memories will be with me for years to come—as will the legacy she left behind.
What did I learn from my mother-in-law over the years?

You don’t have to wait until it’s official to welcome someone into your family.

Among many other things, “love is patient and kind,” as it says in 1 Corinthians 13:4.

I remember the first Christmas Dave and I were together, December 1981. Dave’s mom knit me the first of many sweaters and welcomed me into her home and into her heart. I knew then, seven and a half months before I officially became a Nickel, that I was already one of the family.

It’s an expression of love to step outside your comfort zone for the sake of others.

Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

Although Dad and Mom traveled extensively, Mom wasn’t comfortable in the big city. I could tell this the first time they came to take Dave and I out to supper. We were both attending Ontario Bible College, now Tyndale, in Willowdale. I can still remember the two of them in the doorway of the school. They looked uncomfortable, but still, they were there to reach out in love—something they both did countless times over the years.

Little expressions of love make a lasting impact.

First Corinthians 13:7 says, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Many years later, a simple act of kindness was destined to make a lasting impression on me. After Dad suffered his first aneurysm, Mom stepped up and cared for him in many areas he hadn’t previously needed help. By removing his shoes and socks and placing his slippers on his feet, I clearly saw her loving, selfless servant’s heart and I was challenged to love in even the most seemingly menial of ways.

Being appreciative is a lovely way to live.

The apostle Paul often gave thanks for his brothers and sisters in Christ. In Ephesians 1:16, it says, “I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.”

I have to thank my sister-in-law and her husband for taking care of Mom’s needs for the last number of years. They were there for her and it didn’t go unnoticed. Although Dave and I only live 40 minutes away, too many months went by between visits. Still, Mom was always happy to see us and let us know how much our visits meant to her. She was such a gracious lady.

It’s people that matter—not things.

In Matthew 6:20, we are instructed to “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.”

It blew me away to learn what Mom said the last time Mavis took her through the house she had lived in for years. Mom was getting ready to put it on the market and we wanted to make sure she had everything she wanted before her belongings were packed up and given to those who wanted them. Mom said that there was no longer anything for her in the house. Oh to hold onto material possessions with such a light grip!

The only things she wanted in the nursing home were her knitting supplies, some of her books, and pictures of family and friends. It was those photographs that surrounded her at the care centre, pictures of those she loved and prayed for faithfully.

Deep, genuine faith can be quiet and strong.

Colossians 2:6-7 says, “Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.”

While those who knew my mother-in-law would not have referred to her as pushy or preachy, it didn’t take long to learn that her faith was genuine and deep. Her response when I read to her from the book of Psalms and her folded hands asking us to pray with her when her words could no longer do so were proof of that.

Mom prayed for family, friends, her church family, and many others around the globe. She knew her Bible and through hand gestures, indicated what passages she wanted read to her, showing just how well she knew the Scriptures.

This dear lady has left a legacy for us—and I pray that many of us will learn the lessons her life exemplified so clearly.

Have you lost someone close to you? How do you remember them? What legacy did they leave?

How do you want to be remembered? Are you living in such a way as to make it a reality? What changes are you willing to make to ensure that you will be remembered for your deep faith and selfless love?

Family members who point us to Jesus are, indeed, a priceless gift.