Unfinished
projects. They make me feel defeated, unsatisfied with who I am. I so often
find myself frustrated with who I am. I
have always related to a song sung by a frog (aka Jim Henson)
called, “It’s Not Easy Bein’ Green.” I get it Kermit. I really do. I don’t find
it easy being me (green) either.
Just as
Kermit wished to be a more vibrant color that didn’t just blend in, after
reading the accomplishments of my fellow Inscribers I often feel a little ‘green with envy’ and
‘green’ as in newbie, unaccomplished one, wishing to be one of the organized,
disciplined ones; the ones that have projects on the go and manage to even
complete some of them; the ones who actually publish their work instead of storing
it in some poorly organized, forgotten file on their computer.
I do those
things. I’ve spent some of my valuable time wondering why; but then, I still do
them. As Paul laments in Romans, the things I know to do I don’t do….
So I find this law at work: Although
I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in
my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work
in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the
law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body
that is subject to death? Thanks
be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:21-25
NIV
I suspect
there are many underlying reasons to my problem or to be more blunt as the apostle Paul, evil
within. Because yes, any form of sin, including procrastination or anything
that keeps us from doing what God asks of us, is in fact evil. I could blame it
on a lack of praise for completed projects as a child by my parents,
undervalued and unnoticed at school by teachers, and the list goes on.
Somewhere I bought into the lie that my words should be kept to myself; perhaps
even hoarded?
A ghastly thought. I’m a hoarder of words. I
picture my brain as an overstuffed house filled with crumpled paper, trashed
words lying around in heaps. Not pretty. It causes me to want to get out the
mental/spiritual broom and start sweeping. Perhaps some of those articles I’ve
stored away were never meant for other eyes. Perhaps they simply helped me
through a rough patch. Perhaps some of those crumpled papers need to be rescued.
Maybe they weren’t as bad as I thought. But if so, then they need to be treated
with the dignity that they deserve; that I deserved as a child. They need to be
noticed, to be polished up and submitted somewhere.
None of this
is easy for me. Honestly I find life in general challenging Every. Single. Day.
I am an incomplete project; which in
fact we all are on the scale of life. However I know I am not meant to languish
there. So what is my plan? I need to start by uncrumpling even just one piece
of paper to share with others. One of my favorite verses about Jesus, the true
author and finisher of all, points the way.
Looking
unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set
before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right
hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2 KJV
I love that
verse. It’s so complete. I hope it’s not sacra-religious to also add that I
like how Kermit’s song ends; with a decision to be who he was meant to be. I
may not ever be the most prolific author, the great novel writer or even simply the
most organized, but with the help of Jesus, the one true author and finisher, I
can be successful as me.
