A Journey through Grief, by Natasha Erskine

 (Photo taken August 2012)

For the last 20 months, I have been blogging through a season of grief. After my husband died suddenly in the Fall of 2012, I found that writing was a tremendous emotional release and catalyst for processing the hard truths, questions, doubts, and fears… Posting these writings in an online blog seemed to provide an opportunity for me to bring many loved ones along for the journey. In so doing, I discovered that everyone grieves. Grief is something that every human being experiences in one form or another, but few recognize or acknowledge it. In allowing others to see into my private ponderings, raw agony, and wrestlings with the deep questions of life, I discovered that I was giving expression to the same thoughts and struggles others were having but didn't feel the freedom to express… As much as my writing was focused on my own journey and process through grief and by faith, an unexpected blessing that occurred was the community of brokenness* that bound grieving hearts together as one, from different places around the globe.

*community of brokenness is a phrase Jerry Sittser uses in his book, A Grace Disguised, How the Soul Grows Through Loss.

Grief is not something I see myself writing about long term, though it will most certainly impact all of my writings as it has forever altered my human experience, my perspective, my approach to life and faith… But for now, compiling these blogs and finding a way to tell my story seems to be about my own journey toward healing. Through writing, I process through the up and down emotions of grief. I process through all that has happened, what it means, and where that leaves my faith, values, relationships, and trust in God. Through writing, I accomplish some of what John W. James and Russell Friedman in The Grief Recovery Handbook call a journey to completeness, where everything left "undone" in the wake of death, every emotion, relational tension, every thought, etc. must be carried forth to a place of completion before a person can truly move on into a life of wholeness and completeness. This does not suggest that the loss will not still be present or felt on some level, but it suggests a healing that leaves the bereaved in a healthy state both mentally and emotionally, and able to look back and recognize the good and the bad, the things we miss and the things we don't miss, the things we long to have again and the things we rejoice in having or experiencing in a new life or new normal…

Compiling these writings and fitting them together as a whole has been quite a challenge for me. I question what to include and what not to include, what is too intimate and what is not intimate enough?? I question the order, how I organize the writings to form a coherent or thematic pattern… As one fellow writer advised, It is not the story you have to decide on, you already have your story. Now you must choose HOW to tell it. And I question how to be honest in representing the great, though human, man my husband was on the earth. I believe that it is most honouring to my husband to tell the honest truth about our life and marriage together, but then I think, How would this make his family feel? How would other loved ones feel if I wrote about something not so positive in representing the man they knew and loved??

Ultimately, I wonder, how do I continue to honour God with my life story? Can my story of grief and healing and faith in God impact the world around me for good? Donald Miller talks about Redemptive Suffering, when we see suffering as the evil that it is, but also discover goodness where it can be found. He tells the story of Viktor Frankl and how he transcended suffering in the concentration camps, leading others to do the same, in a sense, overcoming evil with good (Romans 12:21).

In the next few months, I intend to have the first rough draft complete and ready for further editing. I am excited to complete this work, ready to move on in some respects out of the depths of journeying through grief. But also richly blessed to discover the goodness that God might do in and though my life as time keeps pushing me forward…

I am happy and anxious to hear any comments, nuggets of wisdom, guiding words of experience from other writer's or fellow readers. Please do share :).


My blog can be found at Lead Me in the Way Everlasting (Psalm 139:24)

How To Live in Breathless Expectation by Janis Cox

Spiritual life is the life of a child ~ Oswald Chambers.

 

Where am I in my writing? 

I am mid-month of a blogging Sabbath rest. I realized or should I say, God pointed out, that I spent too much of my time blogging. Since I started seven years ago, it is fitting that in this seventh year I take a break. I have had projects on the back burner for far too long because each blog post requires thinking, typing, formatting, picture, Tweetable and then social media shout outs.

What have I learned?

1. Listen to the Holy Spirit
2. Slow down to feel His Presence
3. Follow Jesus by making Him my priority.

Last year I wrote on Sunday Stillness about living a leisurely pace.  Then I forgot to do what I wrote.

When we are rightly related to God, life is full of

 spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.

Where do I go from here?

Since I am only 1/2 way through this process of seeking His Presence I can only say that Jesus IS leading me.

What is my progress so far?

1. I moved my blog #UTCOP - Under the Cover of Prayer, to my website - He Cares for You - streamlining my life.
2. I am having my new children's story edited.
3. I am working on the illustrations for that story.
4. I am learning to control social media so it doesn't control me.
5. Whatever I "plan" for the day I leave open to the Holy Spirit changing that plan.

As I do these things I know that I work better, and calmer but with the spontaneity that Oswald Chambers talks about.

To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness. It should be rather an expression of breathless expectation ~ Oswald Chambers (emphasis mine).

I can only answer a few questions about my work in progress.

I can tell you that the story is more involved than Tadeo Turtle. It is still a picture book with watercolour illustrations but it is not written in rhyme.

Here is a short excerpt from the middle of the story:

So the years went by and the news of his tremendous gift spread outside the kingdom of Thrim. One day a man named Duff entered his shop. He admired the dolls that Yoj had created. He told him that he could make him the most famous doll maker in the world. He filled Yoj’s head with plans of expansion and lots of money.

Yoj was intrigued. Could life be even better than this? He listened intently to all that Duff told him. He didn’t take the time to ask his friends. He didn’t even ask God what He thought of his plan.

Before anyone knew what had happened, Yoj had closed his shop in Hearts Delight and moved out of the Kingdom of Thrim.

Yoj and Duff traveled for many months through different lands before they arrived in the city of Grimness in Shadow Land. The city was full of people, houses and businesses. Smokestacks dotted the sky. A light grey haze covered the sun.

Immediately after their arrival, Duff took Yoj to a large, grey, four-storey building. He put him into a small office that had a tiny window overlooking another larger grey building. There were no trees or plants anywhere. No one had the time to plant or care for them. ...

Sharing one of the watercolours I might use.

You can find me on Twitter @authorjaniscox ; on Facebook AuthorJanisCox; and Pinterest AuthorJanisCox

Tweetables:

Are you uncertain in all your ways - and happy about it? (tweet this)

Do you live in breathless expectation to see what God will do today? (tweet this)

Janis Cox

Janis, a former school teacher and small business owner, found a new passion in writing in her retirement. A writer since 2003, Janis co-ordinates a group blog called Under the Cover of Prayer. She is also a contributor to a group blog called Family and Faith Matters.

Janis is the author of the award winning children's book, Tadeo Turtle, published by Word Alive Press. She is the author and watercolour illustrator. For more information visit Janis on her website He Cares for You. She is a member of The Word Guild and Inscribe Writers Fellowship.

My Work In Progress - The Journey of a Young Adult Fantasy - M. Laycock

Yes, it’s fantasy! This might seem like a departure for me from what I usually write, but the truth is I’ve been working on this one for years and it’s had quite a journey. I began writing it while living in the Yukon. I still have letters (yes, it was before the days of emails) that went back and forth between myself and some people who read the first draft. If you have been around the Christian publishing industry for a while you may recognize the name Bernard Palmer, author of the Danny Orliss books. A neighbour of mine knew him and offered to send it to him.

I was not raised a Christian so I had no idea who he was but I typed it up on an old typewriter and sent it off. He and his wife both read it and sent back a wonderful letter of encouragement. Marj said she started off reading to edit but then just got caught up in the story and read because she wanted to know what was going to happen. I was thrilled and decided to try and have it published. Fantasy was a hard sell back then, but I found an editor who was interested in publishing it. It came so close, but then the publishing house shifted focus and dropped their fantasy imprint. It was one of my first rejections and I was crushed. So I put the story away and didn’t touch it for some time.

But I kept being drawn back to it and sent it away again. Once again, it came close but was rejected. Then, a couple of years ago I heard that one of the top agents in the U.S. was going to be at Write!Canada and was willing to look at a few manuscripts. So I submitted the first 3,000 words and it was one of the few picked to be discussed by that agent. Turned out he loved it and wanted to see the whole manuscript. So I sent it off and waited. And waited. And waited. I emailed a few times but got no response so when his colleague was at that same conference the next year, when I pitched another story to her I told her about the fantasy that still had not been formally rejected. Soon after I had an email telling me, regretfully, they were not going to publish it. Again, the disappointment stung but this time I didn’t put it away I just kept working on it.

When Helping Hands Press invited me to be part of Kathy Macias’ 12 Days of Christmas series I was thrilled. It was a lot of fun working with a group of writers and the response to the stories was encouraging. My story, An Unexpected Glory, made it into the top reaches on Amazon. So I approached the publisher about doing this fantasy series. He responded right away and the process began. We hope to release the first book, which will come out as volumes of ebooks, in June. I am over the moon excited about seeing this one finally out there. :)

Now, to answer the questions Brenda has laid out for us –

Is it a new project or something you’ve been working on?

I guess I’ve already answered that one. :)

How did you get the idea?

The main character took shape as I was hiking in the mountains of the Yukon one summer. I started to imagine what it would be like to discover there were caves deep into the mountains, and it went from there.

What are you discovering as your writing is unfolding?

That sometimes I wish I was a plotter instead of a seat of the pants writer. In some ways it would be so much easier to know exactly where the story is going. But I just can’t seem to do it that way. The story has to unfold as I go. I’m discovering God has a lot to teach me as I write.

When do you plan to have this work finished?

As mentioned, the first book will release sometime in June. The second book is finished in first draft so still needs editing. Only about 1/3 of Book Three is written. I’m hoping to have it completed by the end of the summer, Lord willing. The working title is The Ambassadors Trilogy – first book will be Journey to a Strong Tower.

Marcia Lee Laycock writes from central Alberta Canada where she is a pastor's wife and mother of three adult daughters. She was the winner of The Best New Canadian Christian Author Award for her novel, One Smooth Stone. 

Her Christmas novella, An Unexpected Glory was just short listed in the short story category of The Word Awards, as is her devotional book, Spur of the Moment and two blog posts. Marcia's work has been endorsed by Sigmund Brouwer, Janette Oke, Phil Callaway and Mark Buchanan. 

Abundant Rain, an ebook devotional for writers can be downloaded here. Visit Marcia’s Website

Showcase Your Current Project by Sandi Somers

This month we are challenged to write about our current project (or projects­). Is it a new project or something you’ve been working on? How did you get the idea? What are you discovering as your writing is unfolding? When do you plan to have this work finished?

Then showcase a few paragraphs of your writing. On the other hand, perhaps you don’t have any works in progress. You’re in between, wondering what to do next. Or your life has turned upside down and you’re unable to write. Either way, tell us about what’s happening for you. Here’s my “work in progress”.

Focus on Finishing

Summer is approaching, a busier time for me: I connect more with my family, I travel more, and I work in my garden and flower beds. Knowing my writing time often gets interrupted during summer, last month I asked God, “What writing shall I do this summer?”

Into those questions God’s words of peace breathed like a summer breeze. Then the Spirit gently said to “focus on finishing” some of those personal essays, vignettes and devotionals filling up my computer folders.

And so I have begun. Working on individual drafts may seem disjointed as I work first on a devotional, then on a memoir piece, then on an article on writing, but this process is giving me freedom to think one item at a time.

As I shape with more sensory details, deeper meanings, and more insights into God’s ways, I see how my writing is improving. And as I print out hard copies and place them in my binder, I experience an endorphin lift; the pieces are beginning to accumulate. One day they will fit into longer projects I have in mind, but for now, I’m content to let the work unfold gradually.

My Writing Sample

 

This month we were also invited to showcase our work. The following excerpt comes from my visit to Jerusalem where at the Pool of Bethesda, Jesus healed the invalid from thirty-eight years of suffering.

In my story, Joash, the name I gave the invalid (meaning “God has given”), had been resting, eyes closed, absorbing the warmth of the sun.

Suddenly an unexpected coolness like a cloud crossed his face. Opening his eyes, he saw a stranger with intense brown eyes crouching down near him. “How long have you been coming to the pool?” the stranger asked. “How did you become lame?”

“Those eyes,” Joash thought. “So compassionate, so penetrating!”

Immediately the frustration of his thirty-eight years burst like an old wine skin. “Sir,” Joash said, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to crawl down to the edge, someone else gets ahead of me.” All the while the stranger’s eyes looked deep into his own.

As Joash finished his story, he became calm. It had been good to speak to someone who had paid attention to him. Really listened. He felt whole.

(I proceed through the story of Jesus’ healing, and then ask reflective questions, which include the following:)

1. Psychologists know that people often need to speak their frustration before they can see the issue clearly. Have you released your feelings to someone or to God? What happened?

2. Visualize Jesus standing near you. See the compassion in his eyes as he asks, “I have something new for you. Do you want my healing?” What is the new thing you want him to do for you? How do you respond to him?

Now over to you. Tell us about your works in progress.