March 25, 2017

An Unfinished Story By Vickie Stam

I was careful in choosing the right words, maybe a little too careful. Some of my classmates didn't like that. "You can't allude to something in your story - you need to spell it out!" They said. Their tone felt harsh and in that moment I wanted to close my eyes. Not see them. Not feel the sting of their comments. 

But the reality was that my classmates hadn't got what they needed from my story. They weren't able to look that close, read between the lines so that they could easily see what was inside my heart. See the pain that has lived in there. No, my words needed to convey more. They wanted more than I was prepared to give them. And hearing something with a negative tone attached to it - hurt.  

You see, for almost thirteen years I have been estranged from my youngest son, the fall out from my divorce. Throughout those years I have always felt a deep desire to write about the pain of being separated from him, the consequences of a marriage ending and how that has effected my relationship with my son.

There are questions that have plagued my mind. Answers that I wish I had. I wrote to find healing, and maybe, just maybe my story would one day help someone else through a similar healing process.   

I knew my story was not unique. I also knew that I wasn't alone in my plight. Being a Christian didn't exempt me from the painful circumstance either. Estrangement knows no boundaries.   

I had never shared my story with anyone, least of all a room filled with strangers. But in the fall of 2016 I set out to do just that - let others read the story that broke my heart. I enrolled in an eight week writing class that was supposed to provide me with feedback but I had no idea what that would feel like once I received it.  

A dozen faces stared at me and each person took their turn at telling me what they liked or didn't like. It was no longer my tears that smeared the black ink on the white pages, it was their comments that seemed to mare the pages. It was a tough eight weeks. A real learning curve in a writer's world. 

Psalm 16:8 "I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

But I was shaken. As I looked down at the blank paper I had placed in front of me, I began to write their comments down, one after the other. I had trouble allowing the encouraging comments to outweigh the harsh tone of others.   

But it was my first intensive writing class and the first time my writing was critiqued. I must admit, it knocked the wind out of my writing sails and took away my desire to move forward with my story.

That night, I received a pleasant surprise - an email arrived in mail box from one of my classmates. She wanted to let me know that she was sorry for the way my critique had gone. She said, "it isn't what people say that hurts - it's how they say it." She couldn't have been more right. Those words came as a blessing to me. God orchestrated, I'm sure. 

I finished the class in December and over the winter my story has remained untouched. It hasn't been at the top of my list of projects to carry on with. It wasn't as if I haven't thought about it. I have. 

And then, just the other day another email arrived. The same classmate letting me know that she was signing up for the spring session of the same writing and critiquing class. She wondered how I was coming along with my story and asked if I would be joining again. If not, she wanted to encourage me to find a way to keep writing. "You need to share your story. You're a good writer." She said.

How wonderful to hear from her once again!

I'm not sure where this story will go. I just know that at this point, it remains - an unfinished story.   

14 comments:

  1. This is such a touching story, Vickie. May God prompt you at the right time to tell your story.

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    1. Thanks for your encouraging words. I'm sure that God has been with me all the way!

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  2. Vickie, I have a Chrrian friend, estranged from her son for similar reasons. She does not have the gift of writing you do. I'm sure your story will touch many hearts as your scars connect with theirs. May God bless you as he guides you through this journey.

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    1. Writing has been a wonderful source for healing. Journal writing for sure. Thanks Tandy!

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  3. Dear Vickie, I am a writer and an editor. People who haven't felt the same pain, and have difficulty translating your pain by their own lived measure can't realize that, as your write your symbolic words, you are feeling the raw pain that is carved deep into you, underneath them. Nobody can honestly claim to "know your pain" or "know how you feel", but, because of my own life experiences, I'm asking you, when you do decide to continue writing, whether you want to produce a complete book ms. first, or work through it a few chapters at a time, please consider me for your editor. I can provide Word Guild/Inscribe references. God has granted you the strength to begin this. If it God's will that you continue, I'd like to be by your side, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, if not in person. (I don't know where you live.)

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    1. Another friend of mine told me that it is not an easy task to critique life stories and that it should be done in such a way as to not make it feel like a personal attack. Thanks for your offering to connect. I look forward to it!

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  4. Hi Vickie! Please keep on writing. Please finish your story! It took courage for you to share with classmates about your pain. I cannot relate to experiencing a divorce firsthand. I can, however, relate to how it feels to be estranged from a son. It is difficult to express or explain such pain. At least it was for me. Even through reading the replies to your post I see how people receive it with grace. Take your time my friend. Realize also you are loved and your story will one day be told. It can only be told with deep love by you. Blessings on you my friend!

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    1. Sorry to hear that you too can relate to being estranged from a son. I do hope to finish my story and thank you for encouraging me to do so!

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  5. Hi Vickie. I have been right where you were during those critique sessions. My story is different but just as raw and not easy to tell and yet it just needs to be told. I've struggled over it for ten years now. I once had a fellow writer basically say that I must've wanted my sister dead based on what I had written. It was probably my most painful moment as a writer and I don't think I have since shared that part of my story publicly again as I loved my sister deeply. I agree with what another commenter said that they simply cannot relate in any way to your pain as if they could they would never choose such harsh words even in a critique. I haven't read your unfinished story but your blog about it is very vulnerable and your honesty will reap rewards. Please keep writing your story; I am struggling to write mine right alongside you. If you ever need any encouragement with it please feel free to contact me. Perhaps we can encourage each other.

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    1. Wow! I can do more than imagine how you felt in your critique session. Mine was a very unpleasant experience and sounds as if your experience was as well. Would be love to hear from you and hear about your story.

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  6. Oh, Vicki, my heart goes out to you. May God bless, guide and protect you and your story. May your story bring healing to you and your readers. Amen.

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    1. Thanks Sharon! I'm sure that God will give me everything I need to tell my story.

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  7. Vickie you are so brave to step into a critique session with your pain. May the cutting deep root out any lasting infections to help you continue to heal thoroughly. You are showing us the way forward!

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    1. Thanks Marnie! Being able to share some of that experience here with my InScribe family has indeed provided me a way of moving forward.

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