And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your
hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7
As I think about the road I travelled last year and how it seemed full of great intentions, I start to beat myself up. I had plans. My day book had filled to the brim. It overflowed with my plans, my ideas, my goals. I took on writing related activities that I thought were meant for me. I got some writing done, although not enough to satisfy me. I attended two writer's conferences, spoke at a few events, presented workshops. But I still couldn’t accomplish all that I had wanted or planned to do in my writing life. There was not enough time. My Dad had a heart attack. My son-in-law was diagnosed with testicular cancer. My husband had a bone marrow aspiration to confirm a diagnosis of leukemia. I still had to visit the cancer clinic.
Why Lord? Those things were not in my plans. I soon realized I wasn't going to be able to check off my entire to-do list. Of course, my writing was put on the back burner.
As I look back I sometimes wonder why God gave me such a passion to write if He wasn’t going open wide some doors. I think about how I try to be a faithful servant doing God’s will. Shouldn't that mean I could have a few doors opened?
Then I feel a little whisper in my heart. Something about how the gift is there for a purpose. How I will write at precisely the right time. How, if I would be still and listen, HIS perfect plan for my days will unfold. God has also reminded me over the past months, that He has not added to my burdens. He has, rather, given me many reasons to hope and a thousand opportunities to count blessings.
As I look over the precipice of this new year, I can’t see very well. I wonder if I should lean further into the fog. Maybe then I could see better and have an idea of what might lie ahead. But I feel a heavenly arm holding me back. I keep wishing my new day planner would get here soon (I ordered such a pretty one in the mail). Then I could start making my plans for this year.
Then I notice my stone in the living room: Trust me Child. I have it all under control. Love God – it says. I love it. I try to learn from it. Maybe, instead of rushing to fill my planner, I would be better to fill my heart with the Word of God, seeking scriptures on trust and timing and waiting upon the Lord. Then He will clear the fog and show me when it is time to take a leap of faith.
Oh, I believe God wants me to have plans – I hope it includes those two books I want to write this year; the monthly articles I want to propose; meeting those deadlines for my regular columns, enjoying those speaking engagements. I'd better listen closely.
Here I come 2015~